Powerful Words

Being on maternity leave has allowed me to see some of my favorite shows, Maury, Judge Mathis, Deal or No Deal and Judge Judy. Oh how I love me some Judge Judy, yes she can sometimes be a prick, she does say some pretty truthful words. Yesterday's message was, "This is your life, you only get one shot at it, don't screw it up", I sat there, shook my head in agreement and said, that's right. People, so often, alter their plans, change ideas and don't take risks, because they're afraid, they're timid, they want that "safe" choice. Well, I have been one of those people, I worry, I over-analyze and I don't realize that this is life, it isn't meant to be a safe ride, and that it can be altered and over at any moment, I of anyone should know that much. So since then, I've been really prioritizing what I want in every aspect of life and doing just that, making plans and sticking to them. I always wanted to go to law school, so after I finish my masters degree, I'm going to cross that bridge. I've started looking into certification classes for my profession for the additional knowledge, and I still am very much interested in becoming a professor. I give myself 10 years to work hard and get it done, chop chop!! In regards to my personal life, I intend to be the best mom, daughter, sister and wife I can be, and dedicated my free time to my little people.... well gtg now, it's a hungry husband waitin for dinner...

You Didn't Find Me, I Was Never Lost....

My biological father was to say the least, heartbreaking. I have about 5 memories, brief memories of him, three of them is where I sit at home and wait for him to pick me up, and needless to say, he never did. I never understood, how a father couldn't love their child. I was a good child, I was a happy person, why didn't he want a relationship with me. I've buried those wounds, I've overcome the pain, and I haven't let those memories come to surface... until now..

One of his children contacted me, after I was born, he had five other children, and while they found his other older son, they've been looking for me for a while. I thought it would be nice to chat, as I am a private person, since they've been looking for me for so long, I wanted to say hi. They immediately flooded me with I love you and calling me big sister and saying how much they wanted to meet me, honestly, that pushed me away. I feel like, we all do not know each other that well, and that a brother/sister relationship is built over time, blood does not define that type of relationship. They beg to see my daughter, and trust me as overprotective as we are, some of our close knit families haven't held our daughter, I can't let a stranger even breathe on her, she's or gift from god. I tried to explain this to them nicely, as in my heart I only have one sibling, my brother, whom I grew up with my entire life and that we all have to establish a friendship at the least. However, they will hear nothing of it, and REPEATDELY call my phone, to the point I've turned it off. They bumbard my face.book page and I deleted alot of there posts, as I don't mind if they message me, but I do not like personal information posted on my wall. It's not just that, (ughhhhs they called me again, I hope they enjoy my voicemail) but their lives are not like mine, I'm sorry, but I am a mother, I am a wife, that comes first, I can not let you in my home if you have a felony conviction and are continuing through the same path, I do not live that lifestyle.

I've spoken to my mother and my husband, and while I will be cordial and email sometimes, I am not ready or interested in a relationship that goes further than that, no point on pretending and maybe my feelings will change in the future, but I'm sorry....

I now look at the show "The Locator" in disgust, not everyone wants to be found, especially when they where never lost.

Ouchy!!

Last night I had a horrible tummy ache. While taking care of the baby's late night hunger, my stomach pain immediately appeared, it started off as a 5 on the 10 pain scale and immediately went to a 8, (now mind you, I went through childbirth, so there is no pain that is worthy of a 10 in my mind excepted contractions and pushing). For a whole hour I was absolutely useless, thank god hubby helped with the little one, I couldn't have done it without him. Perhaps, that stomach ache was to allow me to realize that DH is capable of being a good co-parenter, awww shush, I may have to be "extra nice" to him lately ;) -wink-

My little girl is getting so big guys!! I'm not ready to take her out of newborn clothes, oh yes how I love Carter's clothing, they fit my baby so WELL! last friday I had her wear her cow outfit to the store and I wanted her to wear it yesterday to my moms, but guess what?? It was too small, my baby grow overnight! and today, she shed tears!! She has tears now!! My baby is growing up so fast. I'm just trying to enjoy every smile, every smell everything, because she won't be this little for long.... it's funny how I never thought I'd be able to be a good mom, due to my love of sleep, now I can careless about sleeping more then 5 hours, I just wanna stare at my baby....

I <3 her =)

Nothing Much To Say!!

Awww....today marks my little one's third week of life, it feels like just yesterday I was pushing her out, I even have my sore bum to prove it! Time goes by so fast and I'm honestly just trying to enjoy every kiss, every diaper change and every boob feeding session, did I tell you how much I love my little one??? She can breast and bottle feed like a champ, you can even go back and forth with her it's like she has no nipple confusion at all, she just wants to eat. I am down to pre-pregnancy weight, but since I have no more acid reflux, I have a huge desire to eat, which I heard is normal if you're breastfeeding, but I hope I'm not totally overdoing it!!

Nothing much has been going on in my life, So I haven't really posted.... But I'm here, I'm alive I'm well!!!