You Didn't Find Me, I Was Never Lost....

My biological father was to say the least, heartbreaking. I have about 5 memories, brief memories of him, three of them is where I sit at home and wait for him to pick me up, and needless to say, he never did. I never understood, how a father couldn't love their child. I was a good child, I was a happy person, why didn't he want a relationship with me. I've buried those wounds, I've overcome the pain, and I haven't let those memories come to surface... until now..

One of his children contacted me, after I was born, he had five other children, and while they found his other older son, they've been looking for me for a while. I thought it would be nice to chat, as I am a private person, since they've been looking for me for so long, I wanted to say hi. They immediately flooded me with I love you and calling me big sister and saying how much they wanted to meet me, honestly, that pushed me away. I feel like, we all do not know each other that well, and that a brother/sister relationship is built over time, blood does not define that type of relationship. They beg to see my daughter, and trust me as overprotective as we are, some of our close knit families haven't held our daughter, I can't let a stranger even breathe on her, she's or gift from god. I tried to explain this to them nicely, as in my heart I only have one sibling, my brother, whom I grew up with my entire life and that we all have to establish a friendship at the least. However, they will hear nothing of it, and REPEATDELY call my phone, to the point I've turned it off. They bumbard my face.book page and I deleted alot of there posts, as I don't mind if they message me, but I do not like personal information posted on my wall. It's not just that, (ughhhhs they called me again, I hope they enjoy my voicemail) but their lives are not like mine, I'm sorry, but I am a mother, I am a wife, that comes first, I can not let you in my home if you have a felony conviction and are continuing through the same path, I do not live that lifestyle.

I've spoken to my mother and my husband, and while I will be cordial and email sometimes, I am not ready or interested in a relationship that goes further than that, no point on pretending and maybe my feelings will change in the future, but I'm sorry....

I now look at the show "The Locator" in disgust, not everyone wants to be found, especially when they where never lost.